You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
