i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
