She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
