shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
