i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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