You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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