she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
