AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
