Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
