yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she pinky promised me she was 18
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize