i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
