I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
