oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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