Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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