the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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