I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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