Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
