my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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