24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
