so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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