3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
