if i died would you start the facebook group?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
