Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is premature balding
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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