Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
