we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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