Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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