He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
