I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
