At least make sure they are 18
Why
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
They are going to name an STD after you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
