I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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