First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
