Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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