people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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