the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
