Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
