I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
