I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
