Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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