1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
