If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
