He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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