yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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