my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
