Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
