those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
