I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think my moral compass just broke
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
