Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
