We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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