could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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