Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
