Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
