I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
