so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
