I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
