you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
