My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize