It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize