Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
worst night to have a conscience
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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