I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
