He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
