Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
